The Bicycle Story

Once upon a time, in the village of Pestilence, there was a very beautiful sister who had an incredibly ugly sister. Their names were Rubella and Mumps, respectively. One day, their mother asked Rubella to kindly take her sister to town in order to purchase a bicycle built for two that they would share. "But mother, I would never ride such a bike with her. She is far too embarrassing to be with, and she has no friends."

Although that was very true, the mother sent them on their way. Rubella was far too embarrassed to be seen with Mumps, so she put her in a burlap sack and tied it to the back of the wagon.

When they arrived, Rubella reluctantly let Mumps out of the sack and requested that she walk at least 300 cubits behind her. As they made their way down Main Street, people threw everything from rotten produce, to large mackerel at poor Mumps because of her far less than comely appearance. 300 cubits ahead, Rubella was receiving wedding proposals and even a sash that read "Ms. Pestilence." She had won a beauty contest without even entering! Before they had arrived at the bike shop, Mumps has been arrested by Sheriff Typhoid and subsequently exiled for indecent exposure--namely her face. Rubella did as she was told and bought a bicycle built for two, but the number of people for which it was built seemed to be insufficient, as there were many who wanted to share the bike with Rubella.

The End.

Oysters--An (Anti)-Ode

Oysters live at the bottom of the sea
Resembling rocks and so ugly.
They're good to eat
If you like their meat
With Tabasco sauce
Cooked, raw, or steamed.

Oysters, oysters
Candy of the sea
Oysters, oysters
They grow from seeds.

Oysters don't taste that good to me,
Yet I'm singing this song so gleefully.
They slide like slime right down your throat.
You can eat them on the beach or on a boat.

Oysters, oysters
Candy of the sea
Oysters, oysters
They grow from seeds.